Dealing with unreasonable expectations.

Photo by Cameron Clark — *Photo by* *Cameron Clark*

I’ve been fortunate to have worked with wedding pros from 94 countries over my career and I’ve heard from a ton of them this past month – all with similar questions, stories of lost business, uncertainties of what to say to clients who are completely stressed.⁣

We’re all in this together. If you have questions on Coronavirus and your wedding business, feel free to email me at hello@thinksplendid.com. ⁣I’ll be sharing my answers here on the Think Splendid blog so that everyone can benefit.⁣ I’ll also keep your name anonymous.

Focus on the Splendid

We're an industry that makes our living by celebrating life's milestones, so I'm going to start each of these update posts with a few positive COVID-19 things we can all smile about:

TOTAL GLOBAL RECOVERIES

The number of global recoveries is now more than 107,500 people, up from 101,500 yesterday.

DE-STRESSING THROUGH ART

10 university art classes you can take for free online. Classes from Harvard, Yale, Tokyo University, School of the Art Institute of Chicago, and more.

From Artsy: “Interested in mastering a new, hands-on creative skill? You can learn to draw your own comics or capture artful digital photographs. Wish you could brush up on Art History 101? There are courses exploring the art and archaeology of ancient Egypt and the development of the artistic avant-garde.”

This question is from a luxury wedding planner:

In November we got a call for a wedding for the end of this month. We only offer full-service planning and our fees are usually 15-18% of the budget depending on the time of year, our availability, how close in the wedding date is, etc. We were competing with other planners who were offering the bride a flat fee so since we were available and it was only four months out we agreed to a flat $9,000 fee. She was fully aware that this was not our norm but since the date was so close, we were happy to do it.

She has been a very difficult client from the start. She questioned every recommendation, bullied vendors into giving her “deals,” went behind our backs to rental companies to make sure we were getting her the best prices, sent us curt emails that were unnecessary, etc. It has not been a great experience and one we regretted from the start.

Obviously, her wedding is now postponed. We were able to get her a great date this year in October, one in which not only are we available but also every single one of her vendors. We couldn’t believe our luck as October dates are historically one of the most sought after in our area. Unfortunately, she does not want it. She thinks the coronavirus situation will still be lingering and wants to book March 2021 instead, a full calendar year from her original date.

Our contract is clear in that we will transfer all fees to another date as long as it takes place within 9 months of the original date (the October date is 7 months out). She is giving us push back saying these circumstances are unique, which we agree that they are, and thinks we should extend our policy to cover her 2021 date. I feel this is not fair or reasonable to us or her vendors because:

We only agreed to this flat fee because her date was 4 months out. We have many emails going back and forth during the negotiation phase stating as such. This now pushes her date to 16 months out from the contract date.
We found her a great date this calendar year that she is choosing not to pursue.
She is ultimately asking us to book two prime wedding dates for a low flat fee that we have already earned.

I replied that I was more than happy to rebook her date but needed a new contract under the typical terms of 15% of her current budget (which is $100K) less the $9,000 she has already paid. Ultimately, we are still booking two dates for the fee of one, but I feel this revised contract is financially necessary for us. I sent that reply to her this past weekend but she has not yet responded.

I’m just curious as to your take on this situation.

Answer from Liene:

For many, the stress of Coronavirus has brought their worst tendencies to the surface, so extra compassion and flexibility is needed on our part. That said, since this particular client sounds she like she will take a mile when given an inch, I recommend setting firmer boundaries than you might for other couples you’re currently working with. Set your boundaries with compassion, yes, but set them.

Here’s my take:

1) Your instinct seems right as far as the terms for the new contract.*

If she is unwilling to take October or a date that falls within the 9 month reschedule window allowed in her original contract, then assessing a fee in order to pay for the additional time and labor required of your team is reasonable for you to do, even under these circumstances.

The key here is that you have already done most of the work for this wedding, except the execution on the day-of. Accounting-wise, you can’t technically recognize business revenue until you’ve done the work for it, but you have done the majority of the work so you’ve earned that portion of the money.

If the wedding isn’t in an indoor ballroom, then an October wedding is likely different than a March wedding. The backup weather plan required will likely be different than the one you had in place for March. Any in-season Spring florals and food items may still be able to be sourced for a Fall wedding, just at a higher price point.

This would be the case regardless of whether or not COVID-19 had turned the world upside down. It’s unlikely you could just take the wedding you had buttoned up and ready to go for the end of this month and drop it into October without having to make major changes and adjustments in the planning.

2) It sounds like she won't care about anything that doesn't directly benefit her, but the simple fact is that your bills next year have to be paid and so do the bills of your team.

Depending on the country, all anyone needs to get married is a visit to the courthouse or a legally authorized minister. Weddings are a luxury in and of themselves.

Of course weddings represent values that people from every culture prioritize and find comfort in (love, hope, commitment, family, community) and celebrations are part of living a full life, but when it comes down to it, they are not a fundamental need necessary for basic survival.

Again, the key factor in terms of contracts is that you had most of the work already done for this wedding, except the wedding day itself. She is not entitled to your new labor for free just because her wedding has to be moved due to a situation out of everyone's control. She may be losing money by having to postpone, but she was not skipping mortgage payments to pay for her wedding. Since this is your business that generates your paycheck, the money she wants you to give up does literally pay your mortgage.

3) I would also let her know that her deadline for a decision is her original wedding date.

Do not unintentionally give her the option to wait 8 months and 2 weeks and then tell you she needs a wedding pulled together within two weeks so that she's falling within the 9 month reschedule range.

Set this boundary now.

4) I get the sense she may try to bully you into doing what she wants.

DO NOT REWARD THIS BEHAVIOR!

Keep in mind that by going behind your back and bugging wedding vendors for “deals” and double checking prices (and doing this when things were normal pre-pandemic!), she's already potentially compromised your relationships with your vendor partners.

When times are good, people work with people they like. When times are bad, people work with people they like. The vendors and suppliers you rely on wedding after wedding expect you as the planner to protect them to some degree, too.

As a planner, your relationships with other wedding pros who are good at what they do and can deliver the level of detail a luxury budget wedding requires are crucial. You have spent years cultivating those relationships and building trust. Her threatening those relationships with her Veruca Salt behavior is not okay.

A client like that is not worth doing any monetary favors for, in my opinion.

5) If you're concerned about retaliation and her completely trashing your company’s reputation, and decide you’re open to further concessions and negotiation, I recommend running the numbers to see what percentage you can potentially drop the 15% to without going into the red yourself for her wedding.

I would not mention this to her up front. Keep it in your back pocket so that you know the absolute final number you can go to.

Again, if she had been a dream client pre-pandemic, I would recommend flexing your policies as much as you could afford to in order to keep her happy. Since it sounds like she spent any and all goodwill she had before this even started, I don't think it's necessary for you to reward bad behavior. Negotiating further than you already have should be a last resort option and I recommend avoiding it unless completely necessary.

Note: The Knot Worldwide (parent company of The Knot, WeddingWire, and Bodas.net) is fielding vendor disputes of COVID-19 related reviews. If you receive an angry review on one of their sites that you feel is completely out of line because of your COVID-19 policies, you can email them at reviewinquiry@theknotww.com. Keep in mind their reviews team is slammed right now trying to help the wedding pros dealing with this.

*This is not legal advice and should not be construed as such. Remember that laws and regulations vary by city/county/state/province/country. Please check with your own attorney for legal advice on your specific situation.